When I feel the fear I think I am all alone with it. When I name it in front of someone else for the first time I feel shy and nervous. “How embarrassing to admit…” I think. Until I give words to my feelings. And then they are met in resonance. I relax, I gain consciousness of my breath again. “Aha” I think, “I am actually not alone with this…”

By sharing it that fear became interesting instead of intimidating. I am now looking at it with curiosity instead of hiding away from it.

As if I observed a wild animal from behind the fence. I am safe. Maybe not yet ready to get in there. But I stopped running away from it.

A shift from trying to get away into trying to understand.

Still scared. Still vulnerable. Still getting hit. But also knowing I will survive. And I choose to learn.

Knowing that hiding won’t free me but only dig the my cave deeper.

Fear of rejection.

Fear of not being good enough.

Fear of being to late, of never reaching the things I want.

Fear of ending up alone, never finding really deep connections again.

In a way even fear of judgement. Looking ridiculous.

Admitting them before myself feels hard. But just because I feel that fear doesn’t mean I am this fear. I know I also am the opposite of my fears. I am in my body, present, grateful, exploding of joy just because I am alive.

That’s who I am.

And it does also mean that I can hold myself when I feel the opposite. I can feel worthless, ashamed, scared sometimes. It’s not because something is wrong with me. Rather those are invitations of my system to learn something new. Maybe it’s just my system actually rewarding me.

“Oh look at her, she’s doing really good lately, maybe she’s ready to unlock her next level of growth, towards this beautiful vision she created in her head of what she wants her life to become… Maybe it’s time to let her climb one step closer to that vision, shall we?” Maybe that’s what my system or life is thinking, just before it sends me a very uncomfortable feeling to deal with.

I am not punished. I am invited to grow further.

Can you relate?