-
Where the pomegranates grow.
Yesterday autumn stepped through the door, unexpected and anticipated. The lake covered itself in choppy waves, blurring the horizon into an illusion of infinity. Seagulls are flying, the wind is coming from far, bringing with him long forgotten stories and desires of the past. The red of these walls matches the color of the chestnut…
-
Am I allowed to say that’s me?
Reading Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins made me realize how differently I perceive my feminine and my masculine traits in terms of safety and acceptability, shaped by the world around me. Where does a healthy balance between the two lie? The right place… I have been wanting to read that book for a while…
-
“But how can you live like this?”
“Isn’t that dangerous?” “How do you survive?” “I don’t know, but it seems to work. And if you don’t believe me, the last thirty years are proof it does.” I officially made it through thirty years of life. Wow I am a bit impressed by myself actually. And proud. It feels like I have some…
-
I can no longer hide behind my mask of self-growth.
Not different just older. And that’s what I am terrified of. Just getting older, without actually having lived through all those years of my life.
-
“Who did I want to be as a kid?…and am I anything like her now?”
Challenging to answer at first. “I wanted to be so many things…” An opera singer, a writer, I wanted to be Frodo and Hermione at different stages, a princess at many. I wanted to become an archaeologist, an athlete, a hero. I was inspired by expedition adventures as much as romantic love stories. What I…
-
Note to self: What does honest expression feel like?
It is all those moments that are hard to describe with words. Prisoning the feeling of magic between a few letters. Stealing away the smell of the moment. Maybe it’s presence in awe. Or the wind that passes between the pillars. And maybe I am allowed to write in a way no one has to…
-
Maybe it is just okay to be scared?
Scared to open up and get hurt. Scared because I have no clear path of where to go next. Scared of loosing control over my body. My reasoning keeps on talking into myself, why all of those are irrational. And my tired self just wants all of them to disappear. Yet is that really what…
-
Fighting Resistance.
Resistance arises. I feel like I want to change things. Try to pull. Try to push. “Go away.” I tell the thoughts in my head. “Leave me alone.” I think towards my opponent. My body tightens. My thoughts can only focus on one thing. I don’t see the horizon anymore. My whole center is filled…
-
Consistency also means missing certain days.
Consistency also means missing certain days. And still pick it back up. No matter what decision I make. The decision can be perfectly right. I will always have moments of doubting it. That’s completely normal and not an indication on the rightness of my choice. Sometimes a break is more important, than following through. If…
-
“What does my body already know, that my mind hasn’t caught up to yet?”
Little pieces of paper I keep in my pockets, I pull them out and read: “What does my body already know, that my mind hasn’t caught up with yet?” And suddenly in the middle of the biggest crisis, my instinctive answer surprised me; “That I am always safe, that I have enough, that I am…