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“Who did I want to be as a kid?…and am I anything like her now?”
Challenging to answer at first. “I wanted to be so many things…” An opera singer, a writer, I wanted to be Frodo and Hermione at different stages, a princess at many. I wanted to become an archaeologist, an athlete, a hero. I was inspired by expedition adventures as much as romantic love stories. What I…
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Note to self: What does honest expression feel like?
It is all those moments that are hard to describe with words. Prisoning the feeling of magic between a few letters. Stealing away the smell of the moment. Maybe it’s presence in awe. Or the wind that passes between the pillars. And maybe I am allowed to write in a way no one has to…
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Maybe it is just okay to be scared?
Scared to open up and get hurt. Scared because I have no clear path of where to go next. Scared of loosing control over my body. My reasoning keeps on talking into myself, why all of those are irrational. And my tired self just wants all of them to disappear. Yet is that really what…
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Fighting Resistance.
Resistance arises. I feel like I want to change things. Try to pull. Try to push. “Go away.” I tell the thoughts in my head. “Leave me alone.” I think towards my opponent. My body tightens. My thoughts can only focus on one thing. I don’t see the horizon anymore. My whole center is filled…
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Consistency also means missing certain days.
Consistency also means missing certain days. And still pick it back up. No matter what decision I make. The decision can be perfectly right. I will always have moments of doubting it. That’s completely normal and not an indication on the rightness of my choice. Sometimes a break is more important, than following through. If…
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“What does my body already know, that my mind hasn’t caught up to yet?”
Little pieces of paper I keep in my pockets, I pull them out and read: “What does my body already know, that my mind hasn’t caught up with yet?” And suddenly in the middle of the biggest crisis, my instinctive answer surprised me; “That I am always safe, that I have enough, that I am…
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Allowing the feeling to be felt.
Just feeling the feeling and going through it. Nothing else. Even though all my notebooks are full of intentions to live my life more cyclical, I had completely forgotten about this. “What season am I in right now?” was one of them. But maybe I have to ask at an even smaller level. Maybe a…
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Transforming fear into growth.
When I feel the fear I think I am all alone with it. When I name it in front of someone else for the first time I feel shy and nervous. “How embarrassing to admit…” I think. Until I give words to my feelings. And then they are met in resonance. I relax, I gain…
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There is no reason, not to grow.
Kafka said something in the lines of: “When you live you don’t write.” I picked up that sentence in my last year of high school. Somewhere in between a lot of books I didn’t feel like reading. I certainly didn’t feel like reading Kafka, but since I heard that phrase I sympathized with him, nonetheless.…
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Another face of freedom – Sitting with myself in silence.
So much happens, I barely have the time to digest it. Think about it or write about it. Thousands of photos are piling up in my phone. And in my note book I place phrases and words, hoping they’ll make me remember all these thoughts later on. But now that I sit in someone else…
kesitu. 