It is all those moments that are hard to describe with words. Prisoning the feeling of magic between a few letters. Stealing away the smell of the moment.

Maybe it’s presence in awe.

Or the wind that passes between the pillars.

And maybe I am allowed to write in a way no one has to understand.

Even though I am somehow intimidated by the idea of writing poetry.

Fuck it.

It’s when I am just messing around, without caring about the outcome. When I place things together with no plan. When I allow myself to paint and write without anticipating the finished piece of art at the end of it.

It’s creating for the sake of it, even if nothing will be ever shown or exposed to anyone.

Like the dozens of notebooks I filled in the past ten years. And only the tiniest fraction will ever be re-read by myself. Not to mention that barely two sentences will be ever read by another person than me.

An expression of me, without making it about myself.

An expression of aliveness.

Sometimes the cup is overflowing with awe, like a river in spring, overflowing with all the excess water, melted ice. No chance to hold it back. Beautiful and trembling with terror.

Sometimes it is the pain I am no longer able to bear. Too much and too intense, I can call it names and make it fit into a shape, at least for a moment.

Sometimes it doesn’t need any reason at all. Why does a tree grow? I don’t know. But do we need an answer?

Why do I create? I don’t know, it’s just an expression of me being alive. Do I need to justify?

If I have to call it by some names…

Present.

Alive.

Floating.

Letting go of the branch that provided me with a false sense of safety. Letting the river carry me down stream.

It is not in my control to choose the direction. And yet it is in my control to trust I will be able to swim through the turbulences, catch on to the next floating tree trunk, climb onto another island…

Until one day I’ll reach the ocean, I’ll become the ocean.

And what does honest expression look like?

It’s a pomegranate flower. A million flower petals barely touching, held by a strong open shell, star shaped.