Lately I noticed, I only react once my boundaries are crossed long time ago. Only then I notice where they where or should have been. Or at least thats what it feels like.

How many people tried to interfere into my peace today. Too many.

Why is it so hard for me to hold my ground, hold my space?

I am surrounded by a lot of people. In a way this is something I was looking for. A lot of exchange and conversations. Eating together, people coming and going. Some friends, some strangers some work mates. At first all that was very exciting. I noticed from time to time that I had a social overdose, but I was getting along fine with everyone so I could just keep going.

But recently I started to get triggered. It comes out of nowhere and as a heavy load, impossible to miss. Where did this come from? Suddenly I feel like punching or running away. Thinking about it now, it feels almost funny how literally I am reacting to those situation with a fight or flight response.

My brain starts to spiral. “I can’t live here anymore, I have to run, ruuuun…” “But where? I don’t know..” “Fuck everyone, why can’t just everyone leave me alone?!” One tiny fraction of my brain senses growth and objects, that maybe running away from it won’t solve the thing that is going on here.

How come I am that sensitive about my personal space? What is it that really triggers me?

Probably there is many answers and many more questions to the topic.

My guess is this is all about my boundaries.

If I was able to know, communicate and keep my boundaries up at all time. Maybe that’s what real fulfilled peace feels like. I imagine it like a feeling of home in my own body. Anywhere I am. The surroundings wouldn’t matter anymore.

And how do I define my boundaries in the first place?

If you are wondering, like I do, here are the questions I asked myself to figure out:

What is it exactly that I need to protect?

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For each of them:

1.What does it mean to me?

2.What do I need there?

3.What drains it?

4.How can I protect it?

5.How much can I compromise?

And suddenly I notice, it doesn’t feel that overwhelming anymore. I actually know where to set my boundaries. All I needed was the right questions and a bit of time to reflect on them.

Do you resonate?